| . |
| THE WRITE WHALE |
| Professional Writing Services |
Copyright © Chris McDonough
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| The Write Whale |
“YO. GET YOURSELF TO NEW YORK. I WANT YOU TO WALK
BOARD MARKED REPENT.” Would you have obeyed? Here's
what God really said to Jonah: “ARISE, GO TO NINEVEH, THAT
WICKEDNESS IS COME UP BEFORE ME.”
Nineveh was the New York City of its day. NYC is on the Hudson;
Nineveh, capital of the Assyrian Empire, was on the Tigris. No
wonder Jonah hopped the next boat going the other way. Then
came the storm at sea, Jonah went overboard, the whale
swallowed him ... yada yada yada. The Book of Jonah is only two
pages long. The whale spit up Jonah onto dry land at the end of
Page One. Everybody stops there. Why? Even better is Page
Two. So: here we are on Page Two of the Book of Jonah. Here's
Jonah on dry land, there's the whale swimming away, and there's
God tapping His ineffable foot. And God quoth unto Jonah,
"NINEVEH IS THAT-A-WAY."
This time Jonah goes to Nineveh, that exceedingly great city of
three days’ journey. He treads one day’s journey into it
proclaiming, "Repent! Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be
overthrown!" I'm not really certain about that sandwich-board. As
he treads along, Jonah wonders who's living in his condo, who's
driving his donkey, and whether a certain female had any right to
be so grumpy about the whole thing.
At this point, Jonah has got one thing left, and one only. It's this:
he is right. He may look like a fool now, but they'll rue the day
they laughed at him. God will destroy the city. Then they'll
remember Jonah proclaiming, "Repent!”. Then they'll wish they
had listened to him. At last they’ll know he was right. Jonah will be
vindicated.
Surprise. Nineveh repents. All of it - the king, the people, and the
animals. Repenting animals? I suppose if I put Bandit in sackcloth
and ashes and said, "Sit," he'd do it, especially if I caught him with
his nose in the chocolates. At any rate, everybody repents, even
the beasts, the herds, and the flocks.
Here comes the big moment: God changes His mind. And Jonah
blows his stack.
"Whaddya mean, You're not destroying the city?"
"I CHANGED MY MIND."
"I knew it! I told You back home that You’d be merciful - why’d
You mess me up like this? I wish I was dead. Strike me dead now!"
"ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?"
Jonah stomps off into the desert and sits where he can see
Nineveh. He's waiting out the forty days. God's cool. He causes a
gourd to flourish. The next day Jonah sits in its shade and sulks.
Then God causes a worm to smite the gourd, so it withers
overnight. Jonah can't take the heat.
"I wish I was dead!" he wails. "Strike me dead now!"
"BECAUSE I ALLOWED THE DEATH OF ONE PLANT, JONAH?
HOW ABOUT 120,000 PEOPLE, NOT TO MENTION THEIR
BEASTS? GET IT?"
The Book of Jonah doesn't say if Jonah got it. Maybe what
matters is whether we do.
BOARD MARKED REPENT.” Would you have obeyed? Here's
what God really said to Jonah: “ARISE, GO TO NINEVEH, THAT
WICKEDNESS IS COME UP BEFORE ME.”
Nineveh was the New York City of its day. NYC is on the Hudson;
Nineveh, capital of the Assyrian Empire, was on the Tigris. No
wonder Jonah hopped the next boat going the other way. Then
came the storm at sea, Jonah went overboard, the whale
swallowed him ... yada yada yada. The Book of Jonah is only two
pages long. The whale spit up Jonah onto dry land at the end of
Page One. Everybody stops there. Why? Even better is Page
Two. So: here we are on Page Two of the Book of Jonah. Here's
Jonah on dry land, there's the whale swimming away, and there's
God tapping His ineffable foot. And God quoth unto Jonah,
"NINEVEH IS THAT-A-WAY."
This time Jonah goes to Nineveh, that exceedingly great city of
three days’ journey. He treads one day’s journey into it
proclaiming, "Repent! Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be
overthrown!" I'm not really certain about that sandwich-board. As
he treads along, Jonah wonders who's living in his condo, who's
driving his donkey, and whether a certain female had any right to
be so grumpy about the whole thing.
At this point, Jonah has got one thing left, and one only. It's this:
he is right. He may look like a fool now, but they'll rue the day
they laughed at him. God will destroy the city. Then they'll
remember Jonah proclaiming, "Repent!”. Then they'll wish they
had listened to him. At last they’ll know he was right. Jonah will be
vindicated.
Surprise. Nineveh repents. All of it - the king, the people, and the
animals. Repenting animals? I suppose if I put Bandit in sackcloth
and ashes and said, "Sit," he'd do it, especially if I caught him with
his nose in the chocolates. At any rate, everybody repents, even
the beasts, the herds, and the flocks.
Here comes the big moment: God changes His mind. And Jonah
blows his stack.
"Whaddya mean, You're not destroying the city?"
"I CHANGED MY MIND."
"I knew it! I told You back home that You’d be merciful - why’d
You mess me up like this? I wish I was dead. Strike me dead now!"
"ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?"
Jonah stomps off into the desert and sits where he can see
Nineveh. He's waiting out the forty days. God's cool. He causes a
gourd to flourish. The next day Jonah sits in its shade and sulks.
Then God causes a worm to smite the gourd, so it withers
overnight. Jonah can't take the heat.
"I wish I was dead!" he wails. "Strike me dead now!"
"BECAUSE I ALLOWED THE DEATH OF ONE PLANT, JONAH?
HOW ABOUT 120,000 PEOPLE, NOT TO MENTION THEIR
BEASTS? GET IT?"
The Book of Jonah doesn't say if Jonah got it. Maybe what
matters is whether we do.